Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
