return my video game
someone threw a dead crab at me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
