I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
