Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
