i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
