piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
