where am i from again
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
