I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
