Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
