i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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