wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
