One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
