Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
