My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
