Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize