I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
