Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
