Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
