I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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