Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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