did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
