I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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