i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My cat gives me a boner
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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