I wish I only lived at night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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