Whod you bang
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
