You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
