I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
