The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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