Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
