I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize