Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
