D3 body, D1 cock
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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