I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
operation have a gay friend backfired
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
