I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
