Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
