He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think a kid would responsible me up
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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