Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
