Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
