i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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