i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
