he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
