you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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