now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
