perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
