Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
