Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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