I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
