Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
