I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
