Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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