??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
