She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
