Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
