Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
