return my video game
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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