My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
