i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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