lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
