I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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