I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
