please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
