This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
