sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
