You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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