enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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