Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
