Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
