So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
