She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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