I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
