Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
