Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
