I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
