His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
