why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
