i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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